10 ways to deal with stress, worry and anxiety…as the world goes crazy around you

How bored are you of the word “unprecedented”?

Over the last few years, we’ve all heard that word far too often.  Unprecedented prices. Unprecedented upheaval. Unprecedented chaos in the markets. Unprecedented supply chain issues, or waiting times.

Throughout it all, we’ve watched the news with disbelief.  Surely it can’t get any worse?  Surely we can get back to normal now?

On a personal level, have you been affected by any of these things…?

• If you’ve lost job security or earnings

• If you’re worried about your fuel bills

• If you don’t know how you’re going to renew your mortgage

• If somebody you know has been unwell, and you’ve been exposed to the state of the UK’s health service

• If you’ve lost a relationship or some other reliable pillar of your life

• If you worry about your future, and about what the future even looks like any more

• If you watch the news and shake your head, aghast at how negligent leaders can be

then here are 10 things you can do about stress right now…

1. YOU’RE HAVING A NORMAL RESPONSE

Last week, one of my clients was listing things that were upsetting him. The list was made up of big things happening in the world rather than personal issues. He was getting visibly emotional about it.  Suddenly he looked at me and said “it’s not just me, right?  The world really is going crazy?” 

Yes, I said.  Right now, the world is mad.

Sometimes, this is important to remember.  If you’re snapping at people, if you’re feeling agitated a lot more than usual, if you’re falling back into bad habits in an effort to soothe yourself, it’s important to remember that you’re a mammal in a stressful situation, who is simply reacting in the way a mammals reacts to stress. It’s biological, it’s unconscious.

If the world around you is lurching from crisis to crisis, you are not the cause of the stress, you are reacting to it. You don’t need to blame yourself, and you don’t need to wonder if there’s something wrong with you for acting strangely.

This is not the end of the story, of course.  Just because you’re not the cause doesn’t mean you are powerless.  Rather, this is a sign that you need to take control.  It’s time to make your feelings, your responses and your choices conscious rather than unconscious.  Turn to face this challenge.  You cannot fix the world, but you can change the way you respond. You have that power.

2. Support your body to support you

Stress is a hormonal thing.  It triggers lots of stuff in us, from the dilation of our blood vessels, to tension in our muscles, to the way we digest food.

As always, the body is trying to get you through a hard time.  It is your friend.  And your friend needs your help.

What does your body need?  Being well hydrated has a big effect on our stress responses.  Are you drinking enough water?  Having a healthy gut has a feedback effect on our nervous systems.  Are you getting enough fresh fruit and veg?  Regularly raising your heart rate and putting your muscles under strain releases endorphins and sheds stress.  Are you building in proper exercise to your week?

Give your body a chance to support you.  It wants to look after you, but you need to look after it.

3. Active, healthy soothing

‘Soothing’ means things that calm us, reassure us, bring us pleasure and relief. We all have bad soothing techniques and good soothing techniques.

Bad soothing usually belongs to an older version of us.  It’s often learned, and often bad for us.  Over-eating or eating badly.  Drinking or drugs to ‘take the edge off’.  Numbing out in front of the telly.  Endless scrolling, sharing, liking, disliking.  Losing ourselves in sex or unsafe risk-taking.  Spending money and collecting rubbish.

As the stress grows, the impulse to reach for bad soothing techniques becomes much stronger.  The idea of stopping feels ridiculous, even cruel.  I just need this.  It’ll help.

And in small amount, bad soothing is fine.  Fun.  A part of our comfort zone.

But it’s so easy to lose control.  So again, we try to become conscious of what we’re doing and make better choices.  Reach for good soothing.

What things genuinely soothe you, which are also good for you?  A massage?  A nice relaxing bath?  A HIIT class?  Calling an old friend?  Being gently intimate with a partner?  Making time for your kids without a phone in sight?  Strolling through nature?  Venting your feelings into your journal? Listening to your favourite music without other distractions?

We’re not in the business of becoming saints here.  We’re not looking to become yoga devotees (unless that’s your thing).  We’re looking for balance, we’re looking for consciousness, we’re looking at being genuinely kind to ourselves.

4. High quality rest

Just like soothing, there’s good rest and bad rest.  Many of us don’t even remember what high quality rest feels like, other than being deeply asleep.  We’re so used to the telly being on, the phone being in our hand, a dozen forms of stress and stimulation bombarding us all the time.

I encourage you to reclaim high-quality rest.

But how do you do this? Well, begin by deciding when you’re resting.

During that time, if there are things that have to be done, try to do them mindfully.  Do one thing at a time.  Slowly.  Pay close attention to what you’re doing.  Try to find that second naivety, that fresh perspective, as if you’re doing things for the first time.  Look for delight in the simplest things, as you do the slowly, mindfully. Breathe slowly as you’re cooking, or doing the dishes, or tidying. Try to transform simple tasks from mundane chores to a mindful experience.

And if there’s nothing to be done, do nothing.  Sit quietly.  Breathe. Which will feel weird and uncomfortable to begin with. But stick with it. Reclaim your ability to be still.

In today’s busy, 24/7, always-on world, it is a luxury to stop and just be.  It can be challenging, but even just a small amount of being can be a gift to ourselves.

“High quality rest”. What do those words mean to you?  When and where will you find it?

5. Lean into your support network

The thing about all the stressful crap we’re going through, is that we’re all going through it.

Everyone is worried about their energy bills.  Everyone is having uncertain and unpredictable times.  Everyone is finding things hard.  Everyone is stressed.

This can make it easier to pull away.  You don’t want to bother them.  They’ve got their own problems.

I encourage you to do the opposite.  Lean in. Open up. Invite support and offer your support to those you love and trust.

This isn’t about dumping on someone.  You’re not going to call up that old friend or meet your sibling for coffee and just rant at them about how utterly shit everything is.  This isn’t that.

This is more conscious.  This is clearly stated. Something like…

“Hey.  So, I’m not really doing so good.  I haven’t wanted to talk to you because I know (or guess) that you’re struggling a bit too.  But you’re my friend.  I want to be able to talk to you and I want you to be able to talk to me.  So…I don’t want to add any burdens to anyone…but could we maybe speak more often and share how we’re both doing?  I really want to hear how you are…”

Reach out.  Establish those support links.  Some people will be up for it, others won’t be.  Some will want a regular phone call, others will be more of the five-minute-voicenote type.

I will tell you this, based on a lifetime of moving through therapeutic circles: being witnessed IS being healed.  Knowing somebody is listening.  Feeling your words be heard and then dissipate, taking some of your struggle with them.

Who will you reach out to?

6. NOTICE and create sanity around you

The big picture is difficult right now.  It’s war and it’s cruelty and it’s failing care systems and it’s extreme weather.

The small picture often has more beauty to it.  So set your horizons appropriately.  Where do you want to focus your time and energy?  Do you want to spend all day absorbing the stressful news about a struggling world, which you can do nothing about?  Or do you want to put more of your focus on your immediate surroundings?

Friends.  Family.  Favourite local places.  Games.  Intimacy.

More of the people you like at work and less of the people you don’t like.

Making your home really lovely.  Clean, nourishing, beautiful.

There can be a sense of moral duty to watch the news.  There can be an obsession with the horror of the global picture, which we wrap up in other language to make it seem healthier for us.

Again, take conscious control.  Decide how much news is good for you, and put much more focus on the things right in front of you, that bring you happiness and joy.

7. Nourish the spirit

If you have any kind of spiritual practice, from yoga and tai chi, to attending church/mosque/synagogue or praying in another way, now is the time to lean into that.

Let yourself be renewed, healed and replenished by your spiritual practice.  Go to those places which speak to you.  Engage in the practices that breathe free life into your soul.

One of the most important functions of faith is succour, which means assistance and support in times of hardship and distress.  Now is the time to ask for help from God, the divine within you, the Land or whatever spiritual wellspring that speaks to you.

8. Attend to your boundaries 

Stress is tiring.  It costs us energy to be stressed, even if we’re not conscious of the fact, even if we’re not really doing anything.

We can also act in ways that we later regret.

This means it’s even more important than usual to keep your boundaries clear.

In my book, Deep Joy, I talk about the 3 kinds of boundaries that you need to maintain:

• Ethical boundaries - are you staying within the limits of what you consider to be right and wrong? Are you comfortable with the things you’re doing?

• Relationship boundaries - this means things that are ok and things that aren’t ok between you and another person.  Are you keeping these boundaries clear, well communicated and not compromising yourself? Are you going past your boundaries because you feel you have to help someone, or become something for them, or do things that go too far?

• Boundaries of identity - are you sure of who you are, and are you able to hold on to yourself in different situations and with different people? Do you remain you when you’re with your friends, family, or partner, or do you pretend to be someone else for their sake, or to keep the peace?

As we get more stressed, these become harder and harder to see clearly, and we’ll tend to fall back on old habits in the realm of boundaries.  We compromise ourselves.  We go beyond what we consider to be ok and right.  We lose ourselves.

For example, are you saying ‘no’ enough? Or are you saying yes to things you don’t want, because you have some old programming that you should?

Now is the time to pay attention to your boundaries and do what you need to do to establish them.

9. Take action

Where possible, take control of things and push them forwards.  It brings us a sense of agency, it increases self-esteem, it lets us be in control of our own destiny.  Wherever possible, you want to be steering the ship of your life in the direction you want, rather than just being buffeted by the storms outside.

Where can you take action?  Where can you proactively steer things the way you want?

At work?  In relationships?  In your parenting?  With money?  Political engagement?

There will be things that are harder to action than others, so begin with ‘low hanging fruit’ (that is, with things that are nice and easy to achieve).  Do you need to sort out something at home?  Is there a quick chat you need to have with a neighbour to sort something out?  Can you plan a visit to your family?

Start small, and then try to ride that wave of momentum.  Try to get a sense of power and control in your life.

10. Get help

If you need to, reach out for professional help.

Whether it’s a sports therapist to help with that knee, or a plumber to sort our that nagging problem at home, or a financial advisor to get proper control of your money, it’s ok to ask for help.

And remember there are always talking therapists.  If you’re really upset and overwhelmed, look for a counsellor or therapist who you like.  If you want to understand and take control more, find a Life Coach like me.

Often, a professional can amplify the success we would have on our own.  So get the help you need, when you need it.