What to do when you don’t know what to do
“I don’t know what I’m meant to be doing”
Over the years and with so many clients, I’ve heard these words. So often we feel like we’re paralysed or overwhelmed. We know that what’s happening right now isn’t working, either with our health, at work, in our relationships, with our friends and family or in the way we live each day. But what are we supposed to do about it? How do we know which direction will bring us more peace, fulfillment, success or connection?
We’re beginning the slow plunge into the quieter, darker, more inwards-looking parts of the year. The natural rhythms of life give us these times to draw in and take stock of our inner world. So now, and over the coming months, is the time for you to begin planning your next steps. This doesn’t give you answers right now, but spending a bit of time dreaming, structuring and listening will make sure that pretty soon, you will know what you’re meant to be doing.
Here are some ideas to help you begin taking more empowered steps…
Daring to dream
To begin with, take some time to look beyond the day-to-day demands, and reconnect with what’s most deeply important to you.
Financial pressures, obligations to loved ones, deadlines at work, caring for children...all these things are real, important and form part of a thriving life...but your dreams and longings are important too!
What do you truly want? The clearer you are on these things, the more likely you are to reach them.
How much free time do you want?Where do you see your career and income heading?Are there places in the world you want to see?How do you want to feel?What would your ideal relationship and partner be like?
What we focus on, we attract into our lives.
When we know, really clearly, where we want to be going, we naturally start taking steps in that direction.
And if, instead, we put our energy into focusing on things we don’t want...then we’ll probably find we keep meeting them in our lives.
But it takes real courage - in a world that makes money out of your stress, overwhelm and insecurity - to bring into focus the things that you secretly, deeply long for.
But spending this time focusing on what you want, being as specific and daring as you can, will be worth it. This dreaming and connecting with your wants and needs is a first, necessary step on the road to a happier, more fulfilling life.
Make a plan with a realistic time-scale
When we don’t know what to do now, it can be really helpful to draw a timeline of the next six months or year, and write in some important steps towards the things we want. It gives that sense of movement and momentum: it means that instead of an ongoing sense of paralysis, there’s the possibility of things changing and getting better. It gives us hope, which might be all we need to get moving.
Once you’ve got some clearer ideas of what you want, you’ll need to establish some kind of timescale for them. Let’s say that in the coming months, you set aside time to uncover your deepest longings and dreams...your next step will be to realistically break the big goals down into achievable milestones, and then set a deadline for each. There can be a lot of learning, research and planning that goes into this stage, but your aim is to have a timescale written down (and ideally shared with people who will check up on you!) so that you know what you’re working towards.
If you’re looking for a new career, what are your criteria for the job you want, and what are the steps you need to take to land that job?If you want a new relationship, how are you going to meet people? When, where, whoA new home?A trip abroad?Break each of these big goals down into realistic steps and set a timescale for each.
Put visible symbols of your plan in places you’ll see them. Maybe a vision-board with images that represent your goals, affirmations that keep you positive and moving, or maybe a list of the steps you’ve decided to take and their deadlines on the front door - so you see them when you leave home in the morning.
You don’t need to have it all today, perhaps things will take time to change for you, but you do deserve to chase and reach your dreams. Get that sense of momentum by setting yourself realistic targets that will move you, step by step, closer to the big dream.
Find your calling in the quiet spaces
Going a little deeper, it’s been my experience that we all have a deep, purposeful calling: a thing that we’re here to do, which fits into the larger picture of our lives. And when we’re aligned with that calling we feel fulfilled, energised and happy. Things flow more easily, our health is better, and we attract into our lives the things that we want.
Deep within you is a quiet voice, gently telling you what you’re meant to be doing in this life. It whispers the truth to you about what you need into order to be happy and healthy.
It’s also my experience that this voice tends to get drowned out by louder, more immediate voices. So many of us find that we weren’t raised to listen to our hearts, our bodies and our own needs. We were raised to listen to the demands of others.
So the beginning of moving forward is often stopping, creating a quiet space in your life and allowing this voice to come through. This is different from the process of finding your dreams and longings. Those are things your mind can tell you. This process is about finding who you really are, what you’re here to do, what unique gift you’re here to give to others, and what you need from others in order to be fulfilled.
It might be that there are several things that you’ve been neglecting or forgetting to do for yourself, in which case these things might surface quite quickly. It might also be that the idea of being busy, productive or self-sacrificial has become so important for you that it’ll try to stop you being quiet. There can be several layers between you and this deeper truth, but again it’s a worthwhile process. It will allow you to align all your choices and all your actions along one meaningful, powerful path.
The ability to be quiet and gentle with oneself, and to witness what’s going on under the surface, is such an important life skill. And under the layers of noise, worry and distraction...there is a subtle voice that holds great wisdom for you.
Consult the experts
When you’ve run out of your own answers, look outside for other sources of information and inspiration - it’s what really successful people do! Here are a two books and a suggestion of where else to turn...
Book: Unlimited Power, Anthony Robbins
This book gives you the tools This book equips its readers with the tools to be able to embrace their personal power – that is, the ability to effect the world and get the results you want. Anthony’s other great book – Awakening the Giant Within – is also excellent.
Book: Find Your Own North Star, Martha Beck
A practical, inspiring book all about uncovering your dreams and getting your life back on track. Martha Beck's wonderful book gives you a lot of tools and ideas to uncover the things that are holding you back so you can heal them and move forward with your life.
Consult a Life Coach
There are experts who are devoted to helping you succeed in life. A life coach is somebody you can explore your challenges and struggles with; someone who will understand and will help you to understand what’s going on at a deeper level; someone who'll help you make plans, track your progress and help you make lasting breakthroughs. A good life coach has spent years training and gaining experience in the theory, knowledge and practical techniques of personal transformation...and we love nothing better than sitting down with you to help you overcome your challenges and build a life that brings you all the happiness, fulfillment and vitality you deserve. Hiring a life coach is a step beyond any other method you might take to improve your life - it’s a demonstration of just how committed you are to reaching the things you want. And if you trust in the process, it really can transform your whole life.
This article originally appeared on the Brighton and Hove Therapies blog